I would be happy to send you this collection of write-ups– This Business Of Living
These are write-ups of mine published in the last 3 years covering general subjects in management techniques/psychology etc and health.
It is in essence a concentrate of all that I have learnt from a varied and active life.
My personal email is: zeushwari@yahoo.com
CONTENTS:
Something about the author
1. 24 HOURS ARE NOT ENOUGH
2. ABSTINENCE, MODERATION OR NONE AT ALL
3. ASHOKA, THE HARBINGER OF CHANGE
4. ASTHAMA UPDATE
5. Andamans Getaway
6. BOON OR BANE
7. BULLYING AT WORK
8. COCKSURE AND PREJUDICED
9. DEPRESSION
10. DESTRESSING THRU PAINTING
11. DISCONTENT
12. DUNLOPILLOW & PRODUCTIVITY
13. EASIER SAID THAN DONE
14. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN ACTION
15. FASTING AND FEASTING
16. FITNESS AT WORK
17. Managing Credit and Credit Cards
18. FLOWING WITH THE CHI
19. FLYING HIGH AND HURTLING LOW
20. FOOD ALLERGIES
21. HAIR AND DIET
22. HAVE FUNDS BUT NO MONEY
23. KNOW YOUR SKIN
24. HEALTH POINTERS FOR WOMEN
25. HEALTH UPDATES
26. THE FUTILITY OF IT ALL
27. LAUGHTER AS MEDICINE
28. LEAN AND FIT BUT IS IT SAFE
29. LIVING WITH CONTROL FREAKS
30. MANAGEMENT OF STRESS
31. MAXIMISE TIME AVAILABILITY
32. QUIETEN THE DIN IN YOUR HEAD
33. MISMANAGEMENT BY EMAIL
34. NAPS KEEP YOU AWAKE
35. NEW MALADIES FOR OLD
36. LIVING IN THE COMFORT ZONE
37. PARENTING IN THE OFFICE
38. PESSIMISTS MAKE BETTER LAWYERS
39. THE POWER OF WORDS
40. POVERTY IS GOOD FOR YOU
41. THE REVENGE OF THE VILLAGES
42. RULES TO FIGHT FLAB
43. SCARY SUGAR
44. THE AUTOPSY OF A SERIAL KILLER (Hypertension)
45. SKIN, MUCH MALIGNED
46. SLEEP
47. STRESS, DESTRUCTIVE
48. STEPS TO SUCCESS
49. SUN CARE
50. THOSE TASTY TREATS
51. THE BUSINESS OF GIFTING
52. THE DE-STRESSOR PAR EXCELLENCE-MUSIC
53. THE DILIGENT UNDERACHIEVERS
54. THE FIVE ESSENTIALS
55. TIRED, EXHAUSTED, WORN DOWN
56. TOMMOROW NEVER COMES
57. TRAFFIC POLICE AND WE
58. UNHAPPY, REALLY
59. WATCH YOUR BACK
60. THE FAD OF WEIGHT LOSS
61. WHAT IS MY PRICE
62. THE WORLD MATTERS NOT
63. YOU ARE A PRODUCT OF NATURE
64. TO OR NOT TO. THE QUESTION OF ABORTION
65. MY FAVORITE QUOTES
66. GIVE THEM ROPE
67. MARITAL DISCORD
68. ACQUIRED RIGHTS
69. SHALL WE EVER LEARN
70. IMPROVING SELF IMAGE
71. REMOVING OR PROMOTING
72. SOFTLY DOES IT
73 When did you last do something for the first time?
74 Some Advice on improving language skills
75 Assistance or Interference
76 Terrifying cancer
77 Hair and its abuse
78 Corporate lawyers in india
Some of my recent write-ups:
75. Assistance or Interference
“I just wanted to help”. How often have we heard this sentence in our lives? There is an old saying: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. This truth came to me in a roundabout but very emphatic ay the other day.
I finally had to admit that I needed help in the office. So, I took on the mantle of Good Samaritan and gave the job to somebody in the family who would, I thought appreciate the offer. Appreciate she did and a little more than was warranted. I ended up having her help in ways and means that totally upset me.
The second day I came to work, my computer settings were changed and even the position of the mouse and board were rearranged. A wave of annoyance shot through me. But I went along and brought the settings back to my preferred original and continued on. But then this attitude began to show in every little thing. Something what my teacher used to call Mental Interference. Nothing would ever be done to my liking. There was always a little change in the way the job would be executed. Something more in the way she thought was more appropriate or better still with a smug assurance that I would certainly be pleased. Even my coffee would not be made as I wanted and this was really the last straw.
Finally I had to have a heart to heart talk with her and this is what I had to say: Kate, please understand that I would like your assistance but you are going beyond the call of duty. You are doing my thinking for me. This is not appreciated at all. It amounts to imposing on me. I feel threatened and suffocated. You are welcome to ask questions and make suggestions but not to act in any way that would upset my stream of things. All the small acts that you think would do me good or would help me work better are not helping. It’s irritating beyond words. You have to let me live my life my way and let me work in my fashion even though it may seem inefficient or incorrect to your way of thinking. Then, do not forget that you are here to help me in pursuing my goals my way; not yours.
The tendency to think for others is in all of us. It is a kind of arrogance that is terribly well couched. In the guise of a “DOING GOOD” mask we tend to give full play to our vanities. In the name of being kind, nice and helpful we permit our egos full liberty to interfere in the lives of others. This often goes to the point of tyranny; especially in delicate relationships like parent to child and teacher to student or boss to employee where the child or employee either does not know how to handle the situation or dares not talk back.
We only end up stifling the spirit of the other and being hated for it. Turn the camera lens to on your own self. See if you are suffering from this malady too by any chance? Have you decided that you are quite the best example of human-hood and are judging, correcting and trying hard to put the world into a better shape? How did you ever come to this conclusion?
Just live your life the way you best can and let the world fend for itself. Give help only in the measure asked for and wait for the request to come. And lest you be taken advantage of, don’t be in a tearing hurry to run errands for others either.
73. When did you last do something for the first time?
So what’s new? How was your day? If you have crossed 30 and are soon reaching the hard worked point of being established, are you plagued with a sense of déjà vu? Waking up in the same bed, in the same room surrounded with by the same faces and the day, then, follows a very predictable pattern. Everyday begins in the same way, with a very definite program already set in place as if there was nothing to do but to slog on, ad infinitum. Ours not to question why but to do and die. All the effort gone into establishing a life seems to have resulted in a sordid boring routine.
It seems that the bed made, now leaves us no choice. The past cannot be erased and the present is upon us with unbroken regularity and its emphatic demands which are indelibly linked to the past and the future refuses to be juggled with. The same faces and the same work beckon us to the daily grind.
The same office, the same agendas, the same colleagues, the same points raised and the same games played day in and day out like an automat with very little personal choice. There being very little to distinguish one day from another. It is not only boring but also very tiring. Life seems to have lost its luster, direction and meaning. Here you may argue that you are successful in everyway and that you are making good money and leading a life as you would have wanted it. This is not what I am referring to; go deep in your heart – check your satisfaction quotient. Is this what life is all about? What is aptly called the midlife crisis hits us sooner for later. It is the soul’s way of taking stock.
How did we end up here?
Nothing gives depression like living sensibly and more so doing it by other's expectations. Just introspect how often you are living by the dictates of your soul and how often by helplessness to the vagaries of this existence? Have you ever felt depressed with the futility of it all?
Have you ever asked the question – Why depression at all?
The mental and emotional conditioning we receive is our enemy. Many fixated ideas become the basis of the foundation of our lives. The stance we take because of our likes and dislikes and of what we think right and proper are all millstones around our neck as well as being the milestones of our lives. What an enigma! These sense of values come to us from our environment, upbringing, education and society. Yet some guiding principles and rights are sorely needed otherwise we would never know where to begin. Unfortunately the in-built rigidity is also the cause of much of the pain life inflicts on us and on all who come in touch with us. All the wars and havoc perpetuated by humans on others can be traced to this. But, truth is, this is how the human animal matures. Mother Nature is a teacher first, a pampering Mother only second. Of course it is depressing. But if this element had not been there, there would be no evolution.
At the individual level, there is an inherent need to progress and go further on the evolutionary scale. But given the mental capacity and character endowed to us by Mother Nature we have only a limited scope for movement. Then to this, Destiny adds elements like the limitations of the environment as controlled by parents, elders, teachers, family, friends and opportunities etc. By the time a young man is ready to launch himself in life some parameters and choices are already set as imposed by life with only limited options if any; such as the general goal to earn a living and then have a family which is equated with happiness. Of course the individual at a younger age can’t see many other options and perforce finds himself in a cyclic flow of things rarely in his control. The ego and vanities also play a very big part. With age parameters change and the choices diminish even further.
Soon the individual finds himself trapped, frustrated and depressed. He is left adjusting to everybody around him who has even the slightest power to disrupt his life and is incessantly in the compromising mode. Keeping the status quo becomes the main effort in life. The life around is constantly rearranging itself while the individual fights to maintain his place in the order of things. The ego asks for its penny worth and is forever complicating the situation. This creates an anomaly of gigantic proportions which only grows bigger with time.
Depression comes when we realize that we have entrapped ourselves. The anomaly is that at one end we are not content although we understand the situation and at the other end we are just too lazy to take the step that we instinctively know we should take. Pride, prejudice, rational justifications and crass inertia keeps us rooted. The change that would ensue is just too much of a major move. A life put together so assiduously cannot be allowed to crash down. Oh, the effort and energy that human beings put into fighting against change!. We subsist on hope and pray intensely but selfishly, have long discussions but rarely take the initiative. Eventually Mother-nature and Destiny play their cards and do what has to be done. There is then a lot of hurt and anguish but life at least finally moves on.
So where is the solution? The solution is in the understanding that life is a creative process and this process is on and flowing like the river. You cannot swim against it so you must learn to swim with it. People need to upgrade themselves constantly. You have to consciously work to improve yourself. Let the creative juices flow. Let other vibrations other than your fixated ideas and egoistic stands come and flow through your home and environment. Don’t be afraid. Read new authors. Learn a new trade. Take up some hobby like Painting, Photography or Music. Go away into another dimension for a while.
Such people are never depressed. Mentally they have tuned themselves to the idea of newness in their lives. They are ever young. They go through disappointments like everybody else but outgrow it as if overnight. There is always another sunset to go out and see. Not only imbibe this spirit but give this gift to your children.
The answer is obvious: Keep in touch with the past but keep the eyes on the future. Let go. Older candles will burn out. Light new ones. You can go to the same house of worship all through your life but every time it is a new candle that needs to be lighted. I have seen an advertisement which asks the question “When did you last do something for the first time?” It is in my view a most profound question and needs to be addressed by all of us with immediate import.
I would love to hear from you.